


A Universe Inside Me

by 8NightLight8



Series: My Demons and Your Lullaby [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Irondad, Parent Tony Stark, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Young Peter Parker, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8NightLight8/pseuds/8NightLight8
Summary: Tony woke up to the familiar movement on the other side of the mattress and lifted his right arm sleepily, making it easier for his son to cuddle into him. Peter’s curls tickled his nose as Tony wrapped a blanket more tightly around them and pulled him further into his side when he settled. It looked like the business trip was going to be hard on both of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a part of a series and I highly recommend reading the previous part first. It takes place three years after the events of Civil War. Peter Parker is seven years old and lives with Tony at the Stark Tower.

Tony woke up to the familiar movement on the other side of the mattress and lifted his right arm sleepily, making it easier for Peter to cuddle into him. The kid’s curls tickled his nose as Tony wrapped a blanket more tightly around them and pulled him further into his side when he settled. It looked like the business trip was going to be hard on both of them.

“I wish I could come with you,” Peter whispered hesitantly and Tony could feel him nervously playing with his night shirt’s sleeve.

He didn’t open his eyes, just ran a hand through his son’s hair gently. “I know kiddo.” _But I can’t bring you this time, not when the Accords are involved,_ Tony thought. _And even I can’t hide in my tower forever…_

Three years have passed since his last interaction with the press, three years since the accords were signed and three years since he last saw the rouge avengers. This month also marked three years since Peter came into his life. Sometimes it was hard for him to comprehend just how much the boy has changed since he first saw him. He was far from the mute four year old he had dragged from his aunt’s corpse. He was speaking normally. He wasn’t afraid of everything and everyone anymore and his shyness only seemed to come out around strangers now.

Another thing that changed about Peter over the last few months was his relationship with his powers. The gym made it possible for him to slowly but steadily approach them with a different mind-set and his panic attacks were, although they still occurred, becoming less and less frequent as a result. The amount of times Tony found him crawling on the ceiling of his new playground was unheard of.

“You will call, right?” His son’s voice brought him from his thoughts. “Every day?”

Tony placed a soft kiss onto his hair. “Every day. I Promise. And you can text me from Happy’s phone anytime… But we gotta go eat now, or I am going to be late,” he added just as the hand of his hologramic clock landed on number seven and F.R.I.D.A.Y. entered her day mode, wishing them both a good morning.

Peter groaned and hid his head further into Tony’s shirt, shielding his eyes from the sudden light. _Yep_ , Tony thought. _This trip is definitely going to be tough._

***

His footsteps echoed through the seemingly endless empty grey hallways of the theatre where the MIT alumni lectures will take place and he could feel his left hand tremor as he passed a certain elevator. That was where everything began for him four years ago; where Miriam Sharpe showed him the picture of her son… He hasn’t been back here since it happened. It was easy to lock himself into the penthouse and stare into walls for days after Siberia, the questions from the reporters that were waiting for him when he returned to New York still swirling all around his brain… And then Peter came along and everything changed.

He would thank Bree, the receptionist who answered the phone to the voice of a sobbing four year old asking for his favourite superhero and put it on the emergency list every day if he could. She risked her job that day, risked everything for a stranger and consequently managed to finally get him to move from the couch and join the real world again. Sure, the reality was painful, but the last few years were still the best years of Tony’s life. The kid was his everything. His hugs where a light to his darkness and his stories managed to at least partially distract him form the guilt that he carried… But Peter wasn’t with him now and there were demons that he had to face on his own.

Speaking in public was something Tony used to love. He knew how to control the crowd well and how to get all of the attention he needed in order to push forward. Jumping back into it should be easy, even after years of not doing it, but in reality even only a thought about going to the stage with a smile on his face made him feel sick.

Pepper was waiting for him at the stage entrance, as beautiful as ever in a white suit and with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was a business partner now only thought, nothing more. They talked over the phone almost every day, but it was always just about the Stark Industries. If there were ever any signs of her wanting there to be something more between them he either made himself ignore them or only acknowledged them for long enough to let her down gently. She was way too good for him and he knew that she would never forgive him if she knew about everything that he has done.

He did let her meet Peter, though and since then the kid would make him bring his drawings for her to their business meetings regularly. He wondered if she had them all on a fridge somewhere, but knew that it was more likely that they were all tucked neatly in a special folder since Pepper really liked to keep all things as organized as possible and he could imagine the papers on a fridge stressing her out deeply.

As the last words of the speaker before him drowned in the applause all that Tony could hear was his heartbeat. The tremor in his hand worsened and he forced himself to take a deep breath. _This is only the fun part_ , his mind supplied, unhelping, but truthful. Meeting Secretary Ross for the first time after three years will be much more stressful… But he had to get through this first.

He gripped his left wrist hard in order to try and at least cover up the severity of his condition, plastered the famous playboy smile on his face and let the warm stage lights envelop him in their beams as soon as his introduction was finished. He never was the kind of person to look back.


	2. Chapter 2

“Come on Happy, we are going to be late!” Peter yelled weaving around the Stark Industries employees who stood it their way quickly, while dragging an out-of-breath bodyguard after him.

“You know kid, I am not as young as I once was.” Happy replied, his words barely understandable over his raged breathing, but he picked up his pace a bit still, never letting go of Peter’s hand.

It took them a few more minutes to find themselves in front of one of the lecture rooms intended for the Stark Industries interns, which was understandable since almost half of the building was currently heading out for the lunch break, but Peter still huffed as he noticed that the big wooden door have already been closed.

They stood outside for a second in order for Happy to catch his breath, then slid in as quietly as possible and took their seats in one of the back rows. A few heads turned to stare at them as they entered, but Peter was so used to them by now that he didn’t spare them another thought. The lecture room was beautiful and modern. Its white walls were covered with bright wood and multiple small windows provided it with just enough natural light for the bulbs above them to stay turned off.

 As Peter opened up his pencil-case and placed the Iron Man colouring Bree gave to him that morning on the table in front of him he could see the lecturer smile at him softly. He was six when he first found this place, with the help of Tony’s subtle hints after he complained about math in school being too easy and therefore boring. It was a whole new universe for him and he loved it wholeheartedly, even though his dad limited his visits to two lectures a week, saying that they had to leave some of the knowledge for college.

Most of the professors knew who he was by now even though he rarely bothered them with his questions and saved most of them for his evenings in the lab with Tony. Professor Brown was one of his favourites and while he let physic occupy his mind his coloured pencils worked carefully on the helmet of Mark 42.

***

Peter soon figured out what Tony’s plan was: By making sure that every moment of the time he was away was exciting and simulating, he wanted to prevent the boy from missing him. It has worked well so far. Right after the lecture Happy took him to lunch and then strait to the National History Museum. They spent hours looking at dinosaur skeletons, visited the planetarium and the exhibition about the oceans. The bodyguard was, to Peter’s surprise, genuinely interested in everything that they saw and bought them matching t-shirts from the gift shop before they returned to the car and headed towards the Tower. His dad called on the way and the boy told him everything he learned about the giant squid, before they arrived at the penthouse, only to find Bree there casually cooking dinner. She had never been higher than the fifth floor before and Peter ran around like a maniac, giving her a short tour before he took her to his room and showed her all of his Lego sets and plushies which he had told her about, but she has never seen before. They ate and amazing homemade lasagne together and then finally sat on the couch together to watch a cartoon of Peter’s choice that turned out to be _How to train your dragon_.

There was one major flaw to his dad’s plan, however, Peter learned after tossing and turning in his bed for hours after Bree tucked him in and left. There was nothing that could distract his thoughts well enough when he was trying to fall asleep. What if the Stark Industries jet had an accident? What if someone tried to hurt his dad now that Happy was with Peter? What if he went to the beach in Massachusetts and got dragged deep into the sea by one of the giant squid from the museum?

His imagination was running wild and his heart raced as he squeezed the plush _Toothless_ closer to his chest. It dawned on him that he has never really spent a night without his dad before. He has always been there, either asleep in his own room or tinkering in the lab across the hall, but he has always been just a few steps away if Peter needed him. Not tonight, thought. Tonight he was in Washington and that was far away. Too far away. He had to talk to him. Now.

Happy was snoring loudly in the living room and Peter was able to hear the muffled conversations from _Downton Abbey_ in the background. _This shouldn’t be too hard then_ , Peter though before he slid from his bed slowly and sneaked into the dark living room, which was only illuminated by the television. The hologramic clock on the wall showed that it was a little past one in the morning and the bodyguard was slipping soundly on the sofa, still in the sitting position with his head leaned backwards and his mouth open. His old Stark Industries flip-phone was lying on the coffee table in front of him.

Peter ran over his options quickly. He could just walk in front of Happy and take the phone, but that would mean that he would cut off the light coming from the television, which could potentially wake the man up and he was sure that the bodyguard wouldn’t be too pleased with calling his boss in the middle of the night… Or he could use his powers and stick to the couch making his way to the coffee able on its side and get the phone without risking anything. He had only used them in the secure area of his gym before, but hey, desperate times called for desperate measures, right? And his breathing rhythm was escalating quickly.

He stuck to the couch right behind Happy’s back, then turned around its corner carefully and returned to his bedroom with the telephone in his hand after less than thirty seconds.

Tony’s number was the first on the list.

He pressed call.


	3. Chapter 3

His phone ringing was what finally freed Tony from the hell in his head. He picked it up quickly, frowning a bit when he saw Happy’s face flashing on the screen. It was far too late for the bodyguard to call him… Unless there was something wrong.

“Hap? Is everything okay?” He said as soon as he answered, the worry rushing through him like an ice cold shower on a hot summer day.

“Dad?” Peter’s soft voice sounded cautiously from the other side of the line, but it was enough to calm the man down immediately. A small smile formed on his face.

“Yes, it’s me. Are you alright?”

“I don’t know,” the kid sounded breathless like he was on the verge of another panic attack. “But you are okay, right dad? You are coming home tomorrow?”

“Of course, Pete. I will be there before dinner, I promise.”

“I-I… I can’t _sleep_.”

“That’s okay kiddo. We will figure it out. You just take deep breaths for me, will ya?”

A muffled sob broke through the telephone and Tony hated the fact that the kid was obviously trying to make things seem better than they were. He was far too smart for his age and that lead to him not wanting to bother anyone, but he was still only seven… And he needed his dad. His “I miss you” was rushed and barely hearable, making Tony want to hug him and not let him go until he knew that that was okay. That he has been missing him all day too…

But he knew that he couldn’t do that right now so he poured as much emotion as he could into his next words instead.

“I miss you too, Peter. So much. And hey, do you what to hear a secret?” He could hear the line ruffle as his son nodded against the receiver. “I can’t sleep either.”

It was true. His mind was on fire and there was nothing for him to tinker with in the hotel room. Years ago he would at least have had his suit, but Iron man was gone now. He was broken alongside his broken self and his armours have been nothing but decorations since Siberia, attracting dust in his lab and the man knew that they will continue to do so until he will summoned and forced to wake them up again. Peter used to stare at them for hours during his first few months with Tony, but both the kid’s drawings and the colourings he got from the reception told him that he had another hero now. The iron man suits on the creations were replaced by him and the words ‘iron man’ at the bottom of the colourings were always crossed out and replaced by the word ‘dad’ written on top of them in his son’s still a bit squiggly writing. All that Tony could hope for was that he hasn’t messed that role up too badly already.

“I saw your MIT speech.” The kid’s voice came from the phone again, sounding stronger and Tony smiled at the sudden change of topic, which was so typical for the boy.

“Yeah?” He replied, going along with it. “What did you think?”

“It was okay.” Peter appraised, but then continued. “I like you better when you are you, thought.”

“I think I like myself better then too, kiddo.”

“It was nice of you to give them the money. It will help a lot of people if they manage to create the right medical equipment, just like the braces you made help Uncle Rhodey.” Peter yawned at the end of the sentence and the smile on Tony’s face widened.

“Yes.” He agreed. “Yes it will.”

The kid yawned again and Tony could hear the bed shifting. When he spoke next, his words were growing laxer and laxer by the moment. “I forgot to tell you about the planetarium…”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony said, lowering his voice in order to help Peter fall asleep faster. “You can tell me everything about it and the museum and the zoo Rhodey is going to take you to tomorrow, when I return.”

“I am going to the zoo?” His son’s sleepy voice was confused and Tony barely managed to contain his fond laugh.

“Yeah kiddo. Right after you wake up.”

“Mhm,” was all the response he got, before one last barely recognizable word made its way through the line. “Stay?”

“Of course.”

And Tony spent the rest of the night listening to his kid’s slow breathing.

***

Peter, Rhodey and Happy weren’t back yet and the penthouse was quiet when he returned, it’s furniture draped with golden late-afternoon sunbeams. Tony got rid of his tie quickly, aggressively tugging at the fabric wrapped around his throat until it was lying in front of his feet before he threw himself on the couch and buried his shaking palms into his hair, tugging on it harshly. His dark thoughts were loud, too loud, but he did nothing to try and tame them, just stayed still and listened.

He was a mess. The meeting threw almost all of his excuses out of the window and brought him back to square one again. His conscience was suffering, but he still didn’t regret his decision and he knew that he never would, so he stood up and took a shower as soon as F.R.I.D.A.Y informed him that his family was on its way. He shook of some of the stiffness, ordered Chinese for dinner and, when the elevator door opened, awaited his son with his arms wide open.

**Author's Note:**

> And here it is - I created a series! I have big plans for it and am really excited for everyone who will join me on this journey. Please let me know what you thought of this piece and come talk to me on Tumbler if you want, my url is 8night-light8. :) 
> 
> P.S.: I am going on holiday for the next few weeks and I probably won’t be able to write during that period, but I should be back with you by the end of August at the latest. I hope you will still be enthusiastic about this series then and wish you all an amazing time until you hear from me again.


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